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What is Religious Trauma?
What is religious trauma? Is religious trauma even “a thing?” Religious trauma is an often overlooked aspect of personal struggles. Many times, this is because people have never heard of the term so they have never taken the time to consider if that is what they’ve experienced. Let’s start with a basic understanding of what it is.
Religious trauma impacts individuals who have experienced distressing or harmful events within a religious context. These experiences can have lasting effects on mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
My Journey with Religious Trauma
Recently, I was asked how I became an expert in religious trauma. “Expert” certainly isn’t a term I would use to describe myself regarding this subject, but I certainly have personal experience with it. In this blog, I aim to shed light on my own journey through religious trauma, exploring the challenges I faced and the steps I took towards healing. By sharing my story, I hope to provide solace and support to others who may be navigating similar struggles.
Raising awareness about religious trauma is crucial for fostering empathy and understanding. Many individuals suffer in silence, unaware that their experiences are shared by others. By discussing this topic openly and respectfully, we can create a supportive community and encourage those affected to seek help.
My Religious Background
Growing up, my life was deeply intertwined with the teachings and practices of a Christianity. These beliefs shaped my worldview and influenced the way I perceived myself and others. My family went to church every Sunday and Wednesday, attended every revival, and special event. I went to a Christian high school and a Christian university where I graduated with a degree in Christian Ministries and a minor in Psychology.
After graduation, I worked in various churches in various roles - choir director, worship arts director, youth leader, Sunday School teacher, adult small group leader and children’s ministry director. From the pew to the stage, I experienced it all. I also experienced what happens behind the scenes that one could only experience as a staff member.
I also experienced what life is like as the daughter of a pastor. Both of my parents were ordained ministers as was my grandfather. I quickly began to understand what it was like to “live in a fish bowl” with all eyes on you at all times expecting to see nothing short of perfection.
The doctrines in the churches where we worked emphasized strict adherence to certain rules, beliefs and standards, creating a framework that dictated not only spiritual practices within the walls of the church but also aspects of daily life. The expectations were high, and any deviation was met with guilt, condemnation, shame, threats of eternal punishment and other fear-based tactics.
Despite the challenges, there were positive aspects to my early religious experiences. The sense of community, shared values, and a feeling of purpose initially provided comfort and a sense of belonging.
Initial Signs of Discomfort
Over time, I began to feel a growing discomfort, a nagging feeling that something wasn't right. It started with subtle questions about certain teachings and practices, discovering things that didn’t line up or seemed to contradict themselves. I had many questions, but no safe place to discuss them because that would send the message that I wasn’t a “good Christian” or must not “really be saved.” Honest questions and doubts weren’t encouraged, but conformity was.
The pressure for perfection regarding human behavior was not only intense, but unrealistic. Simple human emotions like anger, rage and frustration were deemed as sinful so instead of teaching healthy ways of processing those emotions, people had to hide it and pretend it wasn’t there so they could still be accepted or they had to come up with alternative ways of dealing with it. They were left to rely on unhealthy coping mechanisms in secret, but put on their "Christian mask" when they were at church.
The Pressure Builds
The longer I stayed in the church, the more I began to see the destruction of mental,
physical, emotional, spiritual and relational health among its members. Illness, weight gain, addiction and relationship breakdowns were on the rise and so many people were suffering in silence for fear that their honesty might make them appear weak or like a “bad Christian.” It would make them feel “not good enough” in the one place where they were supposed to find love and acceptance.
But a few of us found each other. We began to talk and share honestly about our experiences in hushed tones. We began to notice the rise of autoimmune conditions, stress, body discomfort, headaches, gastrointestinal complications and more. My mind works well with pattern recognition and I began noticing patterns everywhere, especially among the staff members who worked at these churches.
Many of us were living in survival mode, planning event after event while our health was deteriorating and our phones were ringing off the hook leaving us no time to invest in our own mental, physical and emotional health. We were often deprived of the right to even basic respect and privacy without public criticism and accusations. For many of us, this created a state of hypervigilance as a result of a dysregulated nervous system - always feeling the need to look over one’s shoulder and never feeling at peace.
Profound Emotional Toll
The constant pressure to conform led to heightened anxiety, affecting my ability to navigate daily life and relationships. I was gaining weight, losing sleep, dealing with autoimmune symptoms and food sensitivities, struggling with asthma and rampant inflammation throughout my body. I had to be put on several different medications for these issues. My body was screaming for my attention, but at that point, I didn't know how to listen to my body.
The emotional toll was profound. Guilt, anxiety, shame and a sense of inadequacy became constant companions affecting my overall well-being and relationships. I was living in a near constant state of burnout and was patronized when I reached out for help from my church. At that point, the impact on my mental health was so significant that I knew I had to get out for the sake of my well-being.
What Happens When You Leave
I decided to prioritize my mental and emotional health and made the choice to resign my position at the church. Not fully knowing what to expect, I was simply looking for a little bit of peace, which was something that I had never really found in my life up to that point. Once I stopped going to church, I felt a sort of “free fall” feeling because the guardrails I had used my entire life to tell me I’m good enough and I’m acceptable were gone along with my community and support system.
Navigating the emotional challenges that followed was an uphill battle. There was internal conflict as I began to acknowledge and process the emotions I had repressed for my 40 year experience in Christianity. I began to reevaluate my relationship with religion and eventually my relationship with God.
Finding Authenticity
I knew I needed help to recover from all I had been through. I wasn’t going to magically feel better just because I left. I knew I had to begin doing the inner work to process what I was thinking and feeling. For the first time in my life, I got to make a choice that was authentically mine. I got to actually think and choose for myself instead of automatically conforming to the thoughts, choices and beliefs of my religion.
I decided to go online and search for something to teach me about how to do that sort of work because I didn’t know how to take the first step. What I found surprised me. I found others like me. I found communities where people were talking openly about their religious trauma. I also found tools to help me process my feelings, emotions, and experiences with religion all the way back through childhood.
As I began doing the work, I began to realize the depth of damage that had been done to my mind, autonomy and my very identity. I didn’t know who I even was without religion. As I began sorting through inner child work, values, and beliefs, I learned that it is safe to have doubts and questions. It is safe to say, “I don’t know” instead of feeling forced to always manufacture a perfect answer to every question. I learned to accept the parts of me that I was never allowed to accept before and it felt so good and healthy.
Exposure to Diversity
In my journey to restore health and balance to my mind, body, spirit and soul, I began seeking out people who offered new and different perspectives. This included encounters with alternative energy healing modalities like The Emotion Code, Emotional Freedom, Meditation, sound healing, muscle testing and yoga. I exposed myself to diverse beliefs that directly challenged everything I had believed in. I exercised new muscles of critical thinking that were never allowed to be used in this manner before. I began to study other religions, spiritual practices and belief systems.
The internal struggle was intense at times, marked by fear of judgment and the unknown. The decision to step away from my religion was a daunting but necessary step towards self-discovery and healing. It was a long process of honoring my experiences, emotions and authentic thoughts. In this process, I learned how to actually love and accept myself.
What about God?
I told a friend of mine just the other day, “The best thing I ever did for my relationship with God was to deconstruct from religion.” I will be honest with you, part of my journey was a “crisis of belief” regarding God’s existence. I could not be positive that God existed as I had been taught. I could not prove or disprove anything. I had to start with a blank slate and rebuild my foundation. It was a long and difficult process of learning to accept the question marks of life. Deconstructing doesn’t have to mean breaking up with God, though. It can simply mean breaking up with unhealthy religious patterns, beliefs and habits that are destroying your vitality.
Deconstructing doesn’t have to mean breaking up with God, though. It can simply mean breaking up with unhealthy religious patterns, beliefs and habits that are destroying your vitality. - Christy Edwards
Through my exploration and exposure to diverse belief systems, I learned from people whose paths led them to Hinduism, agnosticism, atheism, witchcraft, occult practices, tarot, Chinese medicine, energy healing, new age, self-help and more. I wanted to know why people end up where they do with their spiritual beliefs.
What I observed in that part of my journey is that many people are looking for a something to believe in. They are looking for a source of power beyond them on which they can depend for love, care, guidance and support. When people are left to find that source of power in places that resonate with their soul (like two notes on piano creating harmony), they have found their path to God.
My experience eventually led me back around to an authentic belief in God, that Source of power outside myself. It did not lead me back around to the religion I left, but helped me find a deeper of spirituality the resonates with my soul and makes me feel more connected to the Divine. That is a highly personal decision for each and every person. I learned not to judge anyone for where they are on their journey because it truly is a sacred journey. I believe that, even in the darkest parts of that journey, I was being guided and was never alone.
Tools for Religious Trauma
When my journey began, there weren’t many tools available for processing it all, but I used the tools I had at my disposal and began to feel relief. One-by-one my symptoms began to improve as my health and balance began to be restored. I began getting regular Emotion Code and Body Code sessions, meditating, learning how to work through the chakra system to restore balance, doing inner child work, regulating my nervous system, setting boundaries and standing up for myself. I found healthy outlets for expressing my emotions about what I had been through and began finding a new supportive community.
The restoration process was gradual but transformative. Rediscovering my authentic self, fostering healthy relationships, and embracing newfound beliefs and habits led to positive changes in various aspects of my life. The journey taught me invaluable lessons about resilience, self-discovery, and the importance of authenticity. Recognizing the impact of religious trauma fueled a commitment to become a safe place where others can find empathy and understanding. It was the catalyst for me becoming an Intuitive Life Coach and Certified Emotion Code Practitioner to help others on their journey.
Self-Discovery & Personal Growth
Personal growth emerged from the process of self-discovery and self-awareness. Embracing newfound beliefs and perspectives expanded my worldview and enriched my understanding of spirituality and humanity. Learning about energy healing and emotional intelligence gave me healthy coping mechanisms to manage my emotions and my response to life’s challenges. As I have continued my personal growth and energy healing journey, my physical symptoms and overall well-being improved. I finally found something I was never allowed to have before: peace.
Learning about energy healing and emotional intelligence gave me healthy coping mechanisms to manage my emotions and my response to life’s challenges. I finally found something I was never allowed to have before: peace.
Next Steps in Your Journey
For those going through similar struggles, please understand the importance of self-compassion, seeking support, and recognizing that the journey towards healing is unique for each individual. Relief is possible. Get your free copy of my religious trauma guide called, "Freedom From Religious Trauma: A Journey to Reclaiming Your Spirit". You'll learn simple, practical steps you can take to begin releasing the emotional pain, confusion, and frustration of your experience so you can reignite your sparkle and improve the way you feel.
You deserve peace, self-acceptance and vitality and you can reclaim that for yourself. There is hope.
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